Twelfth Night

With so much injustice in the world of anime, the time has come to act.  Strike at the heart of lame shows and stand for truth, justice, peace and love, friendship, piracy, and underage women.  Grab your collectible action figures, decoder rings, and plastic utility belts.  All together now!  Tenshin TIIIIGHTS!  Tenshin GLŌŌŌŌVES!  Tenshin MA-AHH-AHCCHchhchchc…….

Kamen Rider Fourze

Like most stories of daring do, this one begins on the Moon.  Two men in space suits struggle over an armored case, while the base behind them explodes.  One of the men gets away with the switch while the other dies in the blast.  Cut to 17 years later on earth, where high school student Kengo Utahoshi acts like a cold jerk, but is friends with Yuki Jojima.  That day, a new transfer student named Gentaro Kisaragi pops in, and is (of course) Yuki’s childhood friend.  Despite his delinquent hairstyle, he is ridiculously outgoing and has the lofty goal of becoming friends with every single person in the school (even that creepy janitor with the squirrely eye).

When the school is attacked by mysterious monsters named Zodiarts, Gentaro follows Kengo and Yuki to an isolated part of the school and into a magic locker.  Instead of connecting to Narnia, Kengo finds himself on a tiny outpost on the moon that overlooks the crater left by the destruction of the previous base.  It turns out that Kengo’s father is the one who died in the explosion, protecting some sort of Switch that converts the energy of the cosmos into various powers and gadgets.  Obviously, evil forces want to use these powers, so they recruit high school idiots as test subjects and turn them into monsters.  Since Kengo is somehow physically too weak to fight and Yuki is a girl, Gentaro gets to use the fancy Fourze Driver and Astro Switches to battle evil and protect the students of Amanogawa High. Fourze can equip up to four Astro Switches at once, using them to equip attachments onto his arms and legs that boost his combat potential.

Produced in 2011, Kamen Rider Fourze is pronounced “Four-Zeh” as in “Four-Zero,” marking the franchise’s 40th anniversary, and the franchise certainly shows its age.  The plot is as timeless as ever: humans defending the earth from some evil beings from space (but let’s get real, since every villain only comes from space, let’s just say “defending the earth from Space”).  This usually involves Gentaro being his derpy self, Kengo brooding in the corner, and Yuki being contractually obligated to smile at least 95% of the time.  Meanwhile, the soundtrack is practically the same recycled material you heard in the early 1990’s: j-pop rock and completely forgettable.  Although the animation is as real as you could ever want, the graphics and costumes of the characters are all-but laughable.  Then there’s the overall feel of the show.  Even though it’s set in high school, everything about it feels so campy.  Right away, the viewer gets a tour of the local stereotypes: the jocks, the glams, the nerds, and the neo-Nazis.  Along with the generic music, cheap plastic props, and the ridiculous one-weapon-per-limb fighting style, it becomes exceedingly difficult to find any appreciation in the darker side of human emotions that the show occasionally tries to pursue.  High school is the perfect place to dredge up a human’s dark side, and yet the viewer has to watch 30 minutes of Gentaro try comically to make friends while fighting silly monsters every week, just as his predecessors have done for the last 4 decades.  The producers would be wise to consider moving Kamen Rider to the Old Sentai’s Home.

Pirate Sentai Gokaiger

In the beginning, the mighty Zangyack Empire began a relentless campaign to conquer the universe.  Fortunately for Earth, there was an equally relentless line of Super Sentai who battled the Empire throughout the ages.  Finally, the Empire became fed up with being trolled by groups of five for 3 ½ decades, so they spammed out an entire army to take over Earth.  In turn, all 34 Super Sentai squads banded together to defeat their common enemy.

By banding together, the Super Sentai were able to destroy the Zangyack armada and drive off the Empire once and for all…for about a generation.  However, the final attack used up the last of the Sentai’s power, so they all turned into stardust and became the stuff of legend.  So, many years pass, and Captain Marvelous and his crew of Space Pirates (not to be confused with Mouretsu Pirates), who have been fighting against the (apparently still gigantic) Zangyacks, make their way to Earth in search of “the greatest treasure in the universe.”  After defeating the initial wave of front-shooting ships with their ship’s superior broadside cannons, they have a little fun and split a ship down the middle.

After arriving on the planet’s surface, they question the inhabitants, who have no idea what great treasure they’re talking about.  Marvelous then decides to plan his next move over 10 million Yen worth of curry.  However, before the crew can take a bite, an errant shockwave destroys their lunch.  The Empires forces are back with ever more ships and goons, so Marvelous and Friends head off to fight them.  How?  Well, Marvelous apparently came into the possession of a giant treasure chest full of every single one of the previous Super Sentai’s action…figure…key…things.  The Pirate Sentai then proceed to decimate the enemy forces, you know: insane acrobatics, crazy swordplay, summoning garbage trucks, and unleashing broken attacks.  Every once in a while, there’s a revived and super-sized baddie, and then it’s time to transform their own pirate ship into a giant robot and save the day.

After defeating the current wave of ships, Marvelous decides to continue scouring the Earth for “the greatest treasure in the universe.”  Of course, that means that in the meantime, he and his crew will have to defend the Earth or else the Zangyack Empire will claim it for themselves.

I never grew up watching sentai shows like Power Rangers, or even classic American shows like X-Men.  Why?  Because I thought they were so laughably lame that I never even approached them, and for the most part I was right.  However, if they were anything even approaching Pirate Sentai Gokaiger, I just might have reconsidered.  While shows like Kamen Rider seem so aged and boring, this series feels refreshing and cool, but why?  The story is practically the same: a group of heroes defending the earth from extraterrestrial villainy.  However, everything else is different.  First off, the main characters are themselves from outer space, which would seemingly conflict with my previous rant, yet gives them the more unique perspective of having fought their enemy on a number of different worlds already.  Next, THEY’RE SPACE PIRATES.  They don’t have the baggage of being derpy teens trying out stuff, because they’ve been doing this for most of their lives, and they kick ass at it.  Also, because the Pirate Sentai are all adults, they have developed their characters, so the viewer doesn’t have to suffer watching them grow from being bumbling idiots into better people (they grow from being generally good people to being great people).

The music is also as lofty as the costumes, and with 35 sets of costumes, you better believe it’s over the top.  Since these are Pirate Sentai, the sounds are grand trumpets and flutes, recalling the heady days of classically romanticized pirating.  I could easily see Earl Flinn feeling right at home here (except with more mask and pop-collar).  Although the villains themselves look as silly as ever, the actual CG work is quite impressive.  The space ships have especially nice detail, displaying the show’s great budget (or just that the CG department knows what they’re doing).  However, it’s the action where this show really shines.  The acrobatics and stunts are genuinely cool to look at, the weapons look great, and the boss configurations are nothing if not memorable.

The one area that is lacking a bit is the storyline.  Sentai shows are obviously not renowned for their compelling plot, but this series in particular feels a lot like a parody of itself.  However, even that fault is somewhat rectified by the show’s execution.  It realizes that it’s the most recent iteration in a ridiculously long line, and it owns up to this fact by giving the Pirate Sentai all of the previous generations’ powers.  This is often played out with great comedic effect.  The Sentai each go through no less than 5 different transformations per episode, Captain Marvelous goes around with a giant chest full of these toys, and the action figures themselves all have the same cheap look to them.

Yet despite all of this silliness, the entire franchise is set out on display, and the overall effect is stunning.  By doing so, the franchise seeks to outdo itself by amalgamating everything that made it so entertaining in the first place.  On a scale of 1 (Mouretsu Space Pirates) to 10 (Pirates of the Carribean), Pirate Sentai Gokaiger ranks at least 8, making it more than worthy of inclusion in any Sentai-lover’s treasure trove.

Black Rock Shooter 3 – 4

Things have improved since Kagari’s psychotic episode.  Yomi and Mato relish the ability to speak on a first-name basis, and Kagari has also started walking.  Yuu tells Mato that they need to hurry off to basketball practice, and Yomi can do nothing be look on jealously.  At practice, Captain Kohata praises Mato’s abilities and is going to make her a semi regular.  Mato stresses about this for a bit, but she and Yuu get sidetracked when they see Kohata confessing to a classmate.  Later, Mato starts focusing on the club trip, while Yomi begins to feel increasingly isolated.

The trip goes fine, but the older team members note that Mato is not really a team player.  However, Kohata likes Mato, so she shrugs it off.  Later that night, Mato dreams of the Other World, where the being that captured Dead Master is busy growing shivering sand-cronies.  As she is getting ready to take care of them, Black Rock Shooter arrives and proceeds to wreck the place.  With only one sand-cronie remaining, Black Rock Shooter extends her hand.

Later, the basketball team returns home and Mato gives Yomi a gift.  She remains jealous of Yuu and is also sought out by Saya, who now carries a book carrying all her patients’ names.  Some boys get a hold of the love letter Kohata gave to her crush and post it in the hallways.  Kohata plays off the incident in a lighthearted manner, but all of the girls know better and instead start crying for her.  Yomi becomes further depressed as she pines for the close friendship that Mato and Yuu have, noting that they even cry together.

Saya pulls Kohata aside to talk about her rejection.  While Kohata takes the high road and says that it’s no big deal, Saya decides to melt down 4 inches from her face.  Kohata is expectedly surprised to see a student counselor take a student’s rejection worse than she did and quickly departs for practice.  There, Kohata gets hurt during drills, and Mato takes her to the clinic.  Mato leaves thinking how strong Kohata is.  Meanwhile, Yomi has gone to see Saya for her daily dosage of mud, when suddenly tears start streaming down Saya’s face.  Black Rock Shooter beheads the remaining crony, which turns out to be Kohata’s counterpart.  Kohata then screams out in pain, and Mato runs back to the clinic, only to find Kohata passed out on the floor.

The fourth episode begins in the Other World with yet a 5th being, who drags the Chariot’s corpse along the wasteland.  After finally reaching the precipice of giant cliff, she drops the Chariot down.  Meanwhile in the Real World, Yomi introduces a slightly more sane Kagari to the class.  Kagari is obviously nervous about having a life outside of Yomi, so she insults the rest of the class.  This of course leads to her becoming super-popular with everyone in class.  After Mato congratulates Yomi on her successful rehabilitation of Kagari, Yuu quickly conveys that Kohata has returned to school.  Mato runs off to see her senior classmate, leaving Yomi to herself…again.  Kohata seems to be doing well and laughs about how she passed out from a lame sprained ankle.  After school, Kagari tells Yomi that she has joined the cooking club with the girls she has insulted the most.  Likewise, Yomi is still in the art club and still as isolated as ever.  Feeling increasingly lonely, she finds a (coffee) drinking buddy at none other than Saya’s office.  Like any ally of children, Saya tells Yomi that no one really needs her and she should probably just burn to death in a ditch.  Yuu interrupts her trolling, and Yomi angrily walks off.  Later, Mato apologizes to Yomi in advance for not being able to walk home with her for a while.  When asked if Yuu has the same issue, Mato admits that is true, since they are both in the same club.  While Yomi nods, her counterpart, Dead Master, is being cocooned in her trademark chains.  Looking on, Ol’ Red seems pleased with herself, so she decides to take an acid bath.  While playing an oddly fitting game of Monopoly with Kagari, Yomi snaps at her for having so many friends, especially at this point in Yomi’s life.

The next morning, Mato sees Kagari at the corner, who asks Mato to walk to school with her.  While Mato initially questions why Yomi isn’t walking with her, Kagari shrugs off the question and conveniently neglects to text Yomi about the change of plans.  As such, Yomi arrives late to school after looking in vain for Kagari and promptly chastises her.  Unfortunately, Kagari now has a bunch of cronies to tell Yomi off for her.  Kagari talks to Mato later, saying that since she has spent the last 7 years of her life torturing Yomi, she really should do something nice for her.  Mato suggests making something for her during cooking club to make amends.  Meanwhile, Yomi’s fun little portrait of Mato is turning increasingly less fun, while Saya sits smiling in her unlit office with her cup of coffee.

Yomi tries to see Kagari at the cooking club, but she is intercepted by Kagari’s fan club.  Yomi is led into a fight and ends up saying she is HAPPY that Kagari made friends.  She turns around to find Kagari standing there…with Mato.  Yomi runs out in frustrated tears, and later refuses to see Kagari for the next few days.

Mato thinks something might be wrong with Yomi, but Yuu says that she would like to help, since she wants to be Yomi’s friend as well.  During practice, Kohata is pulled aside by the boy who she confessed to.  He tries to apologize, but Kohata has no idea who he is or what he’s talking about, which understandably causes the boy to sheepishly pull away.

Later that evening, Kagari stops by Yomi’s house once again bearing cookies, and once again Yomi refuses to see her.  However, she realizes that Kagari has been standing out in the rain waiting for her, so she runs out of the house sobbing and apologizes to Kagari, while acting as clingy as ever.   Meanwhile, as creepy Saya does the unthinkable and microwaves coffee, Black Rock Shooter tries to break Dead Master out of her giant chain cocoon.  As Yomi carries on about how she can always count on Kagari being there for her, Kagari says the absolutely worst thing possible: she apologized to Yomi so that Yomi could let her move on with her life.  Despite all the torture, tin cans, macaroons, and increasing psychosis, Kagari says that she has a hard time remembering if she even liked Yomi.  Her tactless response is what finally sets Yomi over the edge.  She has a mental breakdown, and Dead Master erupts from the cocoon, fully charged and royally pissed.

If there’s anything that episodes 3 and 4 of Black Rock Shooter has taught us, it is the danger of co-dependence, the targeted obliviousness of adolescent females, and the evils of coffee experimentation.  First and foremost, Yomi’s personality and relationship with Kagari has become far more defined.  It’s not just that Kagari had been holding her back, but that Yomi felt much more comfortable not breaking free.  This in turn enabled Kagari to become further oppressive, but it does feel strange that they both somehow ended up in such a negatively codependent state before Mato came along.  Speaking of Mato, it is amazing to see someone so grounded and yet so absolutely oblivious to the plights of those closest to her.  Similar to the comments made by the upper class basketball players, Mato is great at what she does, but she isn’t really a team player.  Though that’s not to say that she’s selfish or naive, but she remains happily aloof unless hardship is experience directly in front of her face.  Incidentally, she rarely actually looks Yomi in the face when she speaks with her.  Of course, this is only amplified by the constant presence of her equally sunny best friend, Yuu.

This trend of targeted ignorance becomes even more troubling in the cases of Kohata and Kagari.  After Kohata’s Other World counterpart is killed, she has a brain aneurism and forgets literally everything about her crush, including the incident that apparently everyone but her still remembers.  As for Kagari, after her clash with Black Rock Shooter, she became obscenely calm and timid, but she now remembers Yomi on only the most cordial of terms: Yomi took care of her, and they were both lonely.  This, of course, only makes Yomi’s breakdown all the more tragic.  Kagari was a little monster for most of her life, and yet she was all that Yomi ever had.  Then, after Mato’s arrival and her grand speeches of friendship and independence, Yomi thought that she could have the happy and normal life that she had always coveted.  Unfortunately, Mato has a life and as such, she expects Yomi to be the same way: excellent at whatever she tries, able to easily win people over, and have a cheerful best friend to do everything with… OH WAIT.  So when Saya smugly points out how utterly alone Yomi is, all she can do is run back to the source of her misery.  The real problem is that Kagari has already broken out of her own death spiral, and although it seemed otherwise at first, Kagari was genuinely unaware of the pain that Yomi had suffered through, so she thought that Yomi was the bad guy.

Of course, Saya couldn’t care less.  After all, she’s made it abundantly clear that her job is to do the exact opposite of more orthodox child counselors (i.e. HELP PEOPLE).  Case in point: every single person who walks through her door is promptly handed a cup of coffee, not tea.  While tea is customarily served as a means to calm patients, coffee is, by design, meant to agitate and excite.  Add to that her not so subtle trolling, her gigantic collection of personalized mugs, and her disturbingly random acts of unprofessional conduct, and it’s easy to see why she’s nearly (if not more so) as unstable as her patients.  She’s not Miyo Takano, but in terms of consistent creepiness, she’s pretty damn close.

We’ll see how things get next time around, but it’s looking like a bittersweet ending is definitely in the cards.  Who knows, maybe Black Rock Shooter can save Yomi by killing her counterpart too?  Seems to be working out great so far…

Now that you’re all exhausted from your various superhero exploits, take some time to relax.  Next time, I’ll delve into the lighter side of anime and the trials of youth.