End of Days

No, we’re not going to marathon Pretty Cure: All Stars, the Eureka 7 movie, and M.D. Geist (although if you were going to kill yourself, I can think of no more effective way).  Instead, we’re celebrating having survived the Mayan Apocalypse with the 5 greatest anime of 2012.  Why only 5?  Because writing a Top 10 for 2012 would only distinguish the decent anime from the rest of the dirt.  This list forces us to think about which anime will still rattle in our brains after 2012, when a new wave of anime and video games further degrades our ADD-riddled minds.  So, for now, set aside your thoughts of impending doom, and settle in for a defense of this year’s most memorable series.

5. Sword Art Online

Why Sword Art Online instead of a quality show like Nisemonogatari?  For the simple fact that while Nisemonogatari is beautiful, and striking, and will force you to never view a toothbrush the same way, the series is really just an extension of Bakemonogatari.  Furthermore, you will still likely remember that one single moment that you can never un-see.  However, Sword Art Online is filled with such moments you can’t forget, mostly because they remind you of your former life as an MMO-wizard, or because they fill you with such rage that you can never let it go (I’m looking at you, Alex).  And while Sword Art Online does overall outpace Nisemonogatari in number of tropes, it’s the fact that Sword Art Online shares such similarity with .Hack//Sign that the series will be remembered as one of anime’s most famous (or infamous) MMO stories.

4. Jinrui wa Suitai Shimashita (Humanity Has Declined)

Whether you like it or not, Humanity Has Declined had an effect on you.  Perhaps it was the deconstructionist tone it took with all of humanity’s various obsessions.  It might have been the oddly tasteful use of simplistic backgrounds and light pastel colors to liven up an otherwise grim and warped downfall of civilization.  Its lovely protagonist may have even contributed to your new-found appreciation for deadpan humor.  But let’s face facts.  You’ll forever never forget this show because of those fucking Fairies.  You think you’ll ever get over those plastered smiles, those beady eyes, the baby-sounding words of fatalism and despair, their near-infinite powers, or their shady science?

Not bloody likely, and even if you did, you’ll still wake up late at night in a cold sweat years later, and They’ll be there…

…in the shadows…

…in those blister-packs…

…with those wretched faces…

3. Fate/Zero

Survival Games are as old as time itself, so why not have one where the players are famous warriors throughout history?  Of course, anime viewers should already be well-versed in the ways of Fate/Zero, since this is the third animation in the franchise of Fate/Stay Night.  So why is this series on the list and Nisemonogatari isn’t?  Well for starters, Fate/Zero has a plot.  Second, you can remember at least 6 of the 7 Servants off the top of your head, and that’s based on awesomeness alone.  How many full names can you remember off the top of your head from Nisemonogatari?  If you can remember over half of them, then your power level is Gene-tier, and you’re probably bitching about every Top Ten list that doesn’t have Nyaruko on it.

But on a more existential level, Fate/Zero defines nihilism in a way that not even Humanity has Declined could.  All the mages vie for the power of the Holy Grail every decade.  That’s just long enough to change the dynamics of a family/clan for an entire generation.  You know whose families/clans get royally screwed up?  ALL of the ones who compete in the Grail War.  Guess what they need to fix their problems?  The Holy Grail.  Indeed, there is no better example of this than the Tosaka family.  Rin’s father sacrificed her sister to the bug-lovers so that all 3 of them could eventually compete (and likely die horribly) in the Holy Grail War, because “for a mage, there is no greater honor.”  And even then, the Grail itself, more Djinn than God, requires one of the competing mages to be sacrificed in the most brutal way conceivable to grant a wish that always leaves the world in worse shape than before.  If that level of evil isn’t memorable, I shudder to think of just what is.

2. Danshi Koukousei no Nichijou (Daily Lives of High School Boys)

See?  It’s not all doom and gloom on this list (although it mostly is).  Here is the rare show that in and of itself doesn’t have to be memorable, as it’s mostly there to remind us of all the memorable things we have and would have done growing up.  It is this stupid, weird crap that boys pull that makes the show funny, but it’s the obnoxious, cruel crap that girls pull that makes this show hilarious.  But it’s the way that the show is executed that makes it memorable.  The background music is slow and deliberate, with a twang that constantly makes you yearn for this to be yourLife.flac.  The seiyuu all read the script and likely immediately thought of everything they did as teenagers, and they instantly wanted to make the series the best that they could.  Considering Sunrise and Square Enix had access to THE BEST voice actors in the industry, that’s saying a lot.  And while the OP may not be memorable, that ED is so perfectly stupid that you can’t help but randomly start humming it and then laughing when you visualize that damn bear punching a boy dressed as a girl in the face.  If you don’t appreciate Daily Lives of High School Boys on at least some level, you’ve either never been a teenager and/or have never been a male, in that order.

And the most memorable animated series of 2012 is….

1. Mirai Nikki (Future Diary)

Biased?  You better believe it, but it’s my list, and I’ll force upon you what I please.  Besides, whether or not it is the “ best” anime of the year is irrelevant, since this is a list of the most memorable shows of the year, big difference.

The show starts out simply enough with someone getting horribly killed with an axe.  From there, a lonely loner of a “boku wa” protagonist finds out that his phone diary can now predict the future (including his horrible murder).  So he teams up with an adorable pink-haired yandere whose phone diary can also read the future.  From there, they must kill 10 other assholes, and themselves, for the amusement and eventual title of the God of Time and Space (sounds catchy, eh?).  While the stakes couldn’t be higher, you don’t particularly watch Mirai Nikki just because it’s a Survival Game.  You watch because the characters are just so entertaining in their own right.  You’ll always remember Twelfth’s sentai shenanigans, Ninth’s explosive personality, Fourth’s endless backstabbing, Eleventh’s epic troll face, Murmur’s endless trolling, Wakamoto as THE GOD OF TIME AND SPACE, and at least 2 dozen moments of Yuno doing Yuno things.

So why is Mirai Nikki here at #1, while Fate/Zero is at #3 with its absurdly high budget and world-class graphics department?  First, you’ll note that the Asshole Row spends every week performing the Mirai Nikki OP AND NOT the Fate/Zero OP.  It’s just that good.  Second, while Fate/Zero practically requires the Holy Grail to force characters into being miserable (and therefore interesting), Mirai Nikki’s 12 selected subjects are already borderline insane going into the conflict, and it’s not due to anything dreamt up by Deus or Murmur.  In fact, most of the Diary Holders don’t go into the game with much will to live anyway.  It’s the chance to change or destroy the world that made them this way that motivates them to live (and therefore kill), and it speaks volumes about just how messed up a world like Mirai Nikki is.  And while Fate/Zero resorted to a lot of talking-head syndrome to convey the characters’ motivations and psyches, Mirai Nikki does so in a far more creative way: the diaries’ capabilities themselves.  None of them see the future in the same way, and so their powers and prowess are purely extensions of themselves, and it’s surprisingly rare to see that in supernatural anime.  And although you may or may not care for the ending, you’ll always remember the roller coaster ride that got you there, and it was one hell of a fun time.

Enjoy your New Year’s celebrations, and I’ll see you all back at Mines in 2013.  Remember, the next potential Doomsday is Sunday, April 13th, 2036.